i'm losing it

This past week was rough. My alomap came back at 34, my doctors wanted me to come in and get a biopsy done because they didn't have that much data on me ever since I started doing alomap. This worried me a wee bit. I was thinking there is no way that I could be doing what I am doing if my heart is rejecting. Oh, and I forgot how painful getting a biopsy was. I told the doctor performing my biopsy when he asked me if I feel pressure or something sharp, "Ya, I can feel some sharpness, but I like to know what you are doing." Bad idea my neck was sore for 2 days. The guy that put on my bandage sucked at putting the bandage right over where they went into my neck. So I thought I had some extra regular bandaids in my purse so, me not thinking I took off and put some bandaids on. When I got to my car I thought to myself that was the stupidest thing ever. The interjugular vein goes straight to your heart. Did I wash my hand? Yes, but still what I did was not sterile at all. My biopsy came back good!! This was just one of my mistakes this week. The other one was when I was supposed to check my white blood cells because last visit I was low. When I got the call from the clinic, I thought shout Paige you forgot to take your pills this morning. I was at work, so I went to the lab and checked if they were going to check my prograf levels. Yup, they were. After getting my blood drawn I drove all the way home, ran inside and looked at my pill case. I already took my pills. WOW!! Losing it for sure. That night I put in my purse a set of my morning and night pills just in case this happens again, which I sure will. Blood work came back great, my prograf was high because I took it.
My mom and I had a heart to heart moment this week after I told her my results of everything. I told my mom that as I am working out and throughout my day I feel like I am living my donor's life through me. I understand that it's my life, but from what my donor's father told me this is a life that I am sure that she would cherish. I am not saying my life is nice green hills and flowers, but you get what I am saying. I feel like she is so close to me all the time. I hope she is happy where her heart went.
This week hasn't been that breezy. I feel like we are all trying our best. Remember...'God cares a lot more about we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep trying.' -Elder Renlund. I try to always be the I can be at all times and sometimes it sucks, but I am trying.