bumpy road

This past weekend was a rough one for me...I wasn't planning on blogging about it, but I felt like I need to. Friday afternoon after Steve and I went out to lunch with some of our friends I broke down like literally tears and this never really happens, because everytime I begin to cry I ask myself "What are these tears for Ashley, Come on you got this." and goodbye the tears. This time, though they were flowing out at a pretty good pace. I thought to myself, I have waited soo patiently for the past 3 months and still no call. Every doctors appointment they all say they are super surprised that I still haven't received my new heart. I am so ready to move on with this disease stage. Back in 2009 I was diagnosed and 2010 I stopped playing the sport I absolutely adored. I told myself I wasn't going to be able to play soccer again, be able to simply go out for a run, go climb mountains, matter of fact even go skiing anymore. Basically, I was a young woman that could do stuff around the house and play table tennis. This wasn't what I want to be. I wanted to be that woman that ran 1/2 marathons, triathlons, do Little Red (a bike race) with my mom without having to stop every 5 seconds because of me or hearing "on your left" every time someone passes us, and the most important thing is to have babies. I pretty much wanted to be normal. Now with this amazing opportunity of receiving a new heart I can someday be kinda normal, minus the babies, which blows, and I absolutely can NOT, seriously like my insides are going to outside of me that amped up, wait for that moment.

So after my little pity party I went to church, but let me tell you my body did not want to go, but my spirit did, a way odd feeling honestly. Good ol' Dave Koch (Bishop) came up to Steve and me after sacrament and asked how everything was going and then the tears came instantly again truly had no clue what just happened, Dave just put his arm around me and said lets go talk in my office. Man oh man the words that man said to me. I am honestly so darn grateful for him and what he had to share with me. Thank you so very much Dave you are the best. These are some of his words: I have this wonderful opportunity to get to know the Lord on a whole new level. On a level that I can't even explain, but after talking to Dave I am honored. Dave also told me to thank Heavenly Father for this incredible opportunity to not only get to know Him better but also grow closer to my husband. After Dave told me this I told him I don't think I want to thank Him, but as I am writing this I know in my heart that I need to do just that. I am so very grateful for every single one of whoever that has just viewed my blog or asked me "How ya doing Ashley." My heart is so filled with love, humility, and blood of course because of you all. You guys are the reason why I get out of bed every single day that I don't receive the call. I truly don't think I could be doing this without you guys! Thank you Thank you!!!

Got to end on a good feeling... Scottie Scott and I playing dress up back in the day! Love ya woman!!