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re-fresh

I know I have been slacking on my posts. I have decided that I am planning on posting on Sunday, but just once or twice a month. FYI. Thanks again to all my followers!

Our surrogate gave me a call 2 weeks ago and told me that she had another seizure. I explained to her that I glad that she is okay. We discussed about how it happened and how she had no warnings before the seizure happened. The neurologist that she went to see gave her some anti-seizure medication that she is taking now. With our surrogate on the medication the neurologist suggested not to do the surrogacy. After we hung up the phone, my heart sunk. I thought to myself, I am never going to be a mother. My emotions were going crazy. I was at work when our surrogate called me and Jeanie, the front desk receptionist, asked me how I was doing? I told her I was fine. Jeanie knew something wasn't right. We chatted about what just happened and my thoughts on the whole surrogacy process. At the end of our conversation she told me to ask God what should I be praying for?  So the next week I did just that. The answer didn't come the first time or the second. I prayed and prayed. After praying and praying I though about how I was praying. Then I tried thinking about what I needed to or what I was going to pray for before I started to pray. This gave my prayers more meaning and after I asked for something I would wait reverently and listen. Sometimes there was nothing, but there was this one time that the word "listen" came to me.

This past week I have been listening, like really truly listening to people and what they have to say. I have felt God's love for me personally and know that the small and simple things I am trying to do are well worth it. I listened to a conference talk, I can't remember the speaker, but I do remember the subject which he spoke on. It was about scripture study. He stated to study a scripture for an entire week and try to dissect each word and find the true meaning of what it is trying to say. I gave it a whirl and studied 3 Nephi 11:11. This scripture is a witness that Jesus Christ had been through all of our pain, sorrows and tragedies. After I have analyzed this scripture my emotions over this surrogate thing has been set at bay. I know that God has a plan for Steve and I becoming parents someday either through someone else being our surrogate or through adoption. We all have struggles and trials, but knowing that God and Jesus Christ our right there waiting for us to ask for help, everything will be alright.

Over the past 3 weeks my testimony on prayer, scripture study and faith in God has grown enormously.  Sometimes we need a re-fresher on the simple things and how to do them the most effective way. I am so thankful for all my struggles because it is all up to us on how we are going to respond to them. Lately, I have found myself praying for kindness because Jesus first loved us without judgement. Even though sometimes I am not so kind I know that God has my back.



Enjoying some rays on the foothills

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