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crazy is good sometimes

Emotional roller coaster is the best way to describe how I have been feeling lately. At the beginning of our surrogacy process I thought to myself all I have to do is check off all these steps to get ourselves a baby. I never thought about if something went wrong. We all have lives and we all know that our lives, sometimes take us in a direction that we don't really agree with. Our surrogate had an incident and the doctors say the she had a seizure. She got a second option and that doctor told her that she was in a gray area, so he is treating it like a seizure. Her cousin has had the similar incidents and it got worse when her cousin had children. Our surrogate and I have had some good heart to heart conversations. In the end, I told her that her health is the most important to be able to continue to be a mother to her two beautiful kids and her husband. She is devastated about the news, but we all continue to have happy spirits about her being able to give the gift of motherhood to me. With that said, Steve and I have three embryos that have made it to the end. Only one of them are normal, the other two came back abnormal.

My emotions have been going up and down non stop. I know that God is watching over each in every one of us in our worries, struggles and even our joyous moments. Even though I really want a kiddo right this moment. Is it really the best time for us? With my crazy emotions and thoughts running in my head, my patience has been tested. I know that it will all fall into place in God's own timing. That sentence was extremely hard for me to swallow before my journey in receiving my gifts of life. My faith is growing constantly.

Today at church we sang God Loved Us, So He Sent His Son. In the first verse of this hymn it says, "God loved us, so he sent his son, Jesus Christ the atoning One, To show us by the path he trod. The one and only way to God." What an incredible reminder, this was to me, especially the last sentence.

"Love" is really spelled T-I-M-E -Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

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